Congrats – TIME Magazine voted you "Person of the Year"! What's your acceptance speech?
Ladies and gentlemen of the audience: It is occasions such as this, with the forced humility brought by rememberance of those who have stood here before me, as well as the pious modesty with which I am known to express myself, that remind me of one simple fact – I am better than you.
In proof of this I offer these facts: It is I who stand here tonight basking in the warm glow of the spotlights, disdainful of the applause of my peers and all too aware of my own radiance being underwhelmed by the same, not you. Further, it is I, not you, who have sacrificed the hard work of so many for the further edification of myself. Third, and perhaps most important, that I was the one to realize the brilliance of those rising stars and had the forethought to warp them to my own will and desires, not you.
Some of you may think me arrogant, and to that I say, you only cannot see the world as it truly is, here from the top of my man-made, self-made, ready-made, dis-mayed pedestal of glorious delusion from which I speak.