Right Next Door to God

Most people don’t know this, but when I was in college I lived in the room right next to God’s.

It was a bit of a shock at first, hearing that voice appear out of nowhere on my second or third night in the dorm. I was lying in bed, the lights had just gone out and the voice said

“Toad, how were your classes today?”

I lay absolutely still. “Jay,” I said to my roommate, “did you hear that?”

“Yeah,” he said into the darkness. “Who said that?”

“It’s me. God.” said the voice.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“I want to know how your classes went.”

“They were good.”

“And you, Jay?”

“Good,” Jay said from the other side of the room.

“Good, good, that’s good.”

“Thanks for checking up on us God. Goodnight.” I said, not knowing what else there was to say.

“Goodnight.” Said the voice, then added, “Oh hey, one more thing…do you guys want to buy a carpet?”

“Dunno,” said Jay, “How big is it?”

“Covers one of these floors well enough.”

Jay got up and turned on the lights. I sat up and looked at him. He shrugged. I shrugged. He nodded. I shrugged again.“Ok,” Jay said, speaking to the air, “We’ll take it.”

“Great. It’ll be there tomorrow morning. Goodnight.”

Jay and I exchanged another look and another shrug. He turned the lights back out and we both went to sleep. The next morning we got our carpet. It covered the floor well enough.


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