One Size Fits All

Ok. You’ve seen the picture.

Now, if you’re some one who might possibly be offended by explicit lyrics or just explicit stuff coming from me, I’d advise you to skip the rest of this post as it’s just one long story about big dick jokes.

You’ve been warned.



Several months ago, the teaching staff (primarily men from various English speaking countries) and the sales staff (primarily Japanese women) from my school were out drinking together. The occasion was someone’s welcome party or farewell party or birthday party or it’s Friday party…it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that the beer was flowing like a mighty African river during flood season.

Our group was seated around a the largest table in Murasaki’s; I was seated on one side and the One Man was seated on the other. We were shouting our conversation back and forth about this and that. Damo was sitting next to the One Man attempting to have a conversation with a member of the sales staff. A cute member of the sales staff that he was obviously trying to impress. Trying hard to impress.

Naturally, being the immature prick that I am, I noticed this and shouted across to the One Man: “Damo’s cock is so big there’s a hole in the base for cars to drive through!”

I can admit that the line is neither original (I got it from Drew Carey) or all that funny. But, at the time it made the One Man roar with laughter and send a line right back across the table. So, I sent one back. And then the One Man did. And on and on and on. All the while, Damo is still trying to chat up this girl. This girl who speaks English fairly well and has now caught on to a little bit of what the One Man nad I have been saying.

At this point, Damo can’t contain the laughter any longer and lets loose with a belly laugh that turns his face red and sends him to the floor in convulsions.

And this is why we love Damo.

He didn’t get mad or tell us to stop, he just laughed. That’s the kind of guy Damo is. Always has a joke and is always the first to laugh and the first to help out in a pinch. Damo, in short, rocks.

Of course, I can’t leave anything alone. Seriously. Old jokes are to me like shiny things are to a monkey. I have to have at them until I hurt myself.

So “Damo’s cock is so big…” became a running joke. Every time I’d see Damo (not that often after I quit the school, unfortunately) I’d try to have one or two more to tell him.

The joke ran so long that after one party, I decided I was going to make a new blog and post one joke a day for as long as I could. I made it for about six weeks. If you’re that morbidly curious, have a look at Damo’s Cock Is So Big… and let Damo know if yours is bigger than his.

All jokes, however, no matter how tasteless or poor have to end sometime and now Damo’s leaving for the great frozen north to experience real snow and maybe learn to ski a bit.

So I decided to make Damo a T-Shirt to end the joke: The picture above is the front and on the back is a list of tour dates with monuments listed next to them, thus, Damo’s cock has appeared, on tour, only at places of equal size to it. Clever, I know. (Sarcasm, kids, sarcasm.)

I’m going to miss Damo and I’m a bit regretful that I didn’t have a chance to get to know him as well as I’d have liked to. Maybe sometime in the future, if and when he comes back or if I make it up there, I’d certainly like to have a beer with him.

In the meantime, I’d like to close with this thought: Damo’s cock is so big, had Roosevelt known Damo, he might have said “speak softly and hang out with Damo’s cock.”

Cheers, Damo. Good luck.


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